straight: gotta be skinny as a stick. can’t be curvy. gotta be straight. straight as a ruler.
bisexual: you can only be attracted to two people in your life. choose wisely
pansexual: you have to be attracted to literally everyone. sorry bud i dont make the rules
polysexual: attracted to only the finest polyester fabrics
asexual: attracted to anything that starts with the letter a. ants? yep. agriculture? you got it. the alphabet? you better believe it buddy